One Great Idea

Before all, I want to thank you all for helping me get birthday wishes from 9 of the 23 people on my list. That is 9 more than I ever thought that I could ever get.

Secondly, I'd like to thank the nine people on my list who gave me a shout out. You guys and gals are hilarious, kind, and thoughtful individuals, and I look up to you more now than before. This is for you.

This has been the wildest week in my life, but it has been wild in a good way. One of my friends who blogs religiously told me I needed to “storify” the past week, and that is what I intend to do-- if “storify” means put it in timeline form, that is. I hope you’ve eaten recently because this post is going to be wicked long, and I wouldn’t want you to starve while reading it. P.S. I've added a lot of hyperlinks in the text, and they are all wonderful. If you have the time, click on them and enjoy the extra material. 

Here’s a play-by-play of how I ended up having the most kick ass birthday in the history of birthdays, despite the fact that my mother wouldn't let me have a goat (and, yes, that includes the time I wrote a letter to the dolphin trainer that my mom read about in Reader’s Digest, and he invited me down to Gulfport, MS to feed the dolphins for my sixth birthday) The goat story will be told another day. And there will be video.

Tuesday—Nov. 20

I listened to this week’s episode of Comedy Bang Bang! for the second time, which just so happens to feature Lennon Parham. Sidenote, I had tweeted her and Scott Aukerman the day before about that episode, and Forsythia, Parham's character, dedicated a song  to me.

I’m pretty sure that I have listened to every Earwolf podcast that features her and Jessica St. Clair because they are all hilarious. You should do the same. Anywho, I had a little insomnia, so I started watching YouTube videos and found a 40+ minute video of Parham and St. Clair talking about Best Friends Forever. I thought to myself, “Hey, you know, it’d be really cool if I could be best friends with them.” BAM! The idea for my birthday challenge was incepted into my brain, and I posted it on the blog.

Wednesday—Nov. 21

9:00 am: I woke up to my friends already bombing the comedians with birthday shout-out requests

4:30 pm: I got home from work and saw that I had received tweets from Retta and Julie Klausner

5:08 pm: Chris Gethard called

5:10 pm: I hung up and proceeded to hyperventilate.

5:42 pm: Vacation Jason called

5:42 pm and 45 seconds: Riley broke character and introduced himself and made me want to hug him through the phone. He said he felt so honored to be on the list with so many funny people. I think he sells himself way too short. He’s hilarious. Watch this. 

8:00 pm: I headed to Tupelo to watch the Truth & Salvage show at Blue Canoe

9:30 pm: I danced my socks off

Thursday—Nov. 22

12:38 am: I got a mouth kiss from Truth & Salvage member Tim Jones

Tim Jones and myself after the show

11:30 am: I went to the assisted living home with my mom to eat lunch with my 98 year old grandmother (She’ll be 99 on Tuesday, y’all!)

12:30-3:30 pm: I took a nap. 

4:00-bedtime pm: I had Thanksgiving dinner with my brother, his wife, my sister and her husband and their herd of children. I played football with the little boys out in the yard for a little while. We all took a field trip up to the newly converted barn-to-cabin at my sister’s family’s farm. My brother-in-law told me we need to work on some Christmas decorations for one of his workers. (He wants to build elves out of rebar and put lights on them and have the lights flash so it will look like the elves are humping. I told him I could probably make it happen and that it could be my project for the rest of the holiday break.)

Friday—Nov. 23

9:30 am: Woke up and went to work where I painted the stripes on plywood candy canes

11:00 am: I left work because it’s my birthday. Shannon O’Neill tweeted.

1:50 pm: I designed a circuit for the humping elves. 

2:30-5:30 pm: I rode around town with my friend Jay, and we visited with high school friends.

5:38 pm: I received tweets from Jessica St. Clair and Lennon Parham saying that they have made a video for me. I watched it and literally cried from laughing and happiness.

6:42 pm: I drove to my parents’ and showed the video to my mom. She thought it was glorious and thinks the idea of famous people talking to a kid from Northeast Mississippi is awesome.

7:40 pm: I drove up to another friend's dad’s land for my bonfire party that she planned. I caught up with a lot of people I haven’t seen since I left for college. It was very nice talking with everyone and seeing what career paths everyone has followed. I kind of felt like a doop since I’m still in college, but maybe I’ll make the big bucks and cool stuff in biomedical engineering one day, and I can say that all this school is worth something.

11:50 pm: I got back to the parents’ and checked the mail for birthday gifts from my pal Bankard. He sent the poster that's at the bottom of the page. One day we were studying on the balcony of the biomed building, and he asked what I wanted for my golden birthday. I told him that the only appropriate golden birthday gift was a goose that laid golden eggs like the one in Willy Wanka. That’s why I now have a poster of a goose laying a golden egg.

11:55 pm: I checked my email and had this little baby waiting for me.

As evidenced by my tweets, Facebook statuses, and perpetual smile, the past couple of days have been amazing. I am so blessed to have friends who would bomb complete strangers’ social media accounts just to make my birthday wish come true.

I never would have imagined that the comedians who I idolize, and whose work I quote, would ever see this blog, tweet, call, or make a video in my honor.The internet is truly a wonderful invention. Thank you, Al Gore.

Once again, thanks for greatest day ever. I love you all. 

Oh, check out all my birthday gifts, y’all!

Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson; a graph paper Moleskin; some really butch work boots; Jason Isbell: Live in Alabama,;Jarritos grapefruit soda; a goose picture

More funny stuff from Twitter:

Golden Birthday Update

If you're reading this blog for the first time, you should really read Golden Birthday first, so you will know what is going on. If you're a vet, keep reading.

I really appreciate all the work you guys have done so far to make my birthday amazing. Below is the current list of celebs that haven't contacted me. I've also added their Twitter handles for your convenience. (And I've had some people say that they want to follow these 23 amazing individuals. Now you can!)

November 23rd, we're going in. We can do this, y'all.



1) Lennon Parham (Made a badass video)
2) Jessica St. Claire (Tweeted)
3) Shannon O'Neill (Tweeted)
4) Chris Gethard (Called) (Holds the No. 1 spot right now. Super nice guy.)
5) Vacation Jason (Called)
6) Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer)
7) Thomas Lennon (@thomaslennon)
8) Matt Besser (Tweeted)
9) Matt Walsh (@mrmattwalsh)
10) Andy Richter (@andy_richter)
11) Steve Martin (@stevemartintogo)
12) Scott Auckerman (@scottaukerman)
13) Julie Klausner (Tweeted)
14) Jason Mantzoukas (Emailed)
15) Kay Cannon (@kaykaycannon)
16) Paula Pell (@perlapell)
17) Retta (Tweeted)
18) Chris Pratt (@prattprattpratt)
19) John Lutz (@shutuplutz)
20) Jimmy Fallon (@jimmyfallon)
21) Ellen Degeneres (@theellenshow)
22) Sherri Shepherd (@sherriEshepherd)
23) Aziz Ansari (@azizansari)

Golden Birthday

This year is my golden birthday (23 on Nov. 23rd), and I've been racking my brain for the past month trying to figure out what I want to do to remember this occasion.

At first, I thought that I would steal Lea's idea and do 23 good things for people because what's bad about that idea? Nothing.

But I'm selfish and lazy, point blank. So, I've scratched that idea for this year, and I decided I'll do that one on my 25th birthday because that's a good, solid number--way cooler than 23, plus it's two more good deeds. Back to juicing the mindgrapes...

After a month of idea generating, I think I've figured it out, but I am going to need your help.

You guys know how I love comedy, right?! Yeah, that was a joke. OF COURSE YOU KNOW THAT!

For my 23rd birthday, I want my favorite 23 comedians to tweet/e-mail/IM/text/call me. This is how it's going to work:
a) You tweet/YouTube shout-out/Facebook/blog/stalk/call these folks and tell them that you want them to wish me a happy birthday.
b) They will all do it
c) I will be happy

Like the plan? Yeah, me too.

Here is the lucky list (in no particular order, other than the order that they pop into my head):
1) Lennon Parham
2) Jessica St. Claire
3) Shannon O'Neill
4) Chris Gethard
5) Vacation Jason (He may be a little bit difficult to reach because he's always on vacation)
6) Ana Gasteyer
7) Thomas Lennon
8) Matt Besser
9) Matt Walsh
10) Andy Richter
11) Steve Martin
12) Scott Auckerman
13) Julie Klausner
14) Jason Mantzoukas
15) Kay Cannon
16) Paula Pell
17) Retta
18) Chris Pratt
19) John Lutz
20) Jimmy Fallon
21) Ellen Degeneres
22) Sherri Shepherd
23) Aziz Ansari

I'd also like to add that it would be KICK ASS if Tina Fey and/or Amy Poehler called me or emailed me or something on my birthday, but they're too busy to be tweetin' and I have no idea how a person might contact them. I'm sure Paula Pell or Kay Cannon would know.

So, spread the word. Send them this blog. I want this birthday to be more than just the bonfire reunion with all of my high school friends. I mean, that's going to be totally awesome and such a Mississippi thing to do, but c'mon! THESE ARE COMEDY GODS AND GODDESSES! AND IT'S MY GOLDEN BIRTHDAY! It only happens once in a lifetime.

Thanks in advance.

Oh, I forgot to add that my email address is mamcleod01@gmail.com and my twitter handle is @mcowpatty89. Celebs, you can find me on Facebook (Madison McLeod, the one from Fulton, MS with the UCB cover photo), And if you want to call me, direct message me on Twitter and I'll give you the digits.

I look forward to reading your birthday wishes.

Why Liz Lemon's Marriage Gives Me Hope

After seven seasons of hopeless love interests, Liz Lemon is finally getting married.

And I couldn't be happier. I mean, I honestly want to throw an engagement party for her at my house. Like, for real.

"But Liz Lemon isn't real, Madison. She's a character on a TV show," you may say. And that's where I stop you and tell you, "No. She's much more than that."

Liz Lemon has taught me so many things in the seven seasons of 30 Rock: how not to buy an apartment; how to wear sexy librarian glasses; eating Mexican cheese puffs will make urine show a false positive on a pregnancy test. See, all these things are so useful! (Until you watch the series, you don't have any earthly idea how kick ass LL is and how hilariously horrible these life lessons truly are.)

So, why do I love Liz Lemon and why is her marriage such a big deal?

It gives me hope.

I've found many parallels between my love life and Liz Lemon's. I have never had the crappy boyfriend that plays Halo under the name "Slut Banger" (Dennis Duffy, Season 1, Ep. 6), even though he is by far my favorite boyfriend that she ever had, but I have had crushes on younger guys (Season 2, Ep. 7), had a thing for a pilot (Season 4, Ep. 22), had a really attractive boyfriend (Season 3, Ep. 10), and have been called a lesbian (Season 1, Ep. 3). All these terrible relationships made Liz Lemon who she is. She is a career woman who has created her dream job and didn't want the troubles of relationships hindering her from achieving her goals. But she's always been a little bit lonely. Deep down she's wanted the troubles of a relationship, but she let herself get in the way of finding Mr. Right. It's not until the finale season that she meets the man of her dreams: a pretty boy who owns his own hot dog cart.

So, Liz's marriage in season 7 gives me hope. It gives me hope that someday, if I decide to give my heart away, some street vendor will be there to take it.

Golden Birthday Plans

It's almost the holiday season, so that means you'll be seeing a few more posts on Arithmetic Mean. 

More importantly, November 23, 2012 marks my golden birthday, and I have absolutely nothing planned. 

I need your help. Could you give me some ideas?

That is all. 

Also, I've been creating this kickin' playlist on Spotify. You should subscribe.

Hodgepodge

Boating with Sean

The chosen few. You know! The friends that you can go weeks, months, or even years without seeing, but when you all get together, it seems like no time has passed since your last congregation? Yeah, I have that group, too.

If you know anything about me, you know that Mississippi Governor's School has had an enormous impact on my life. My summers revolve around it, and I try to use the experience to calibrate my soul. I am able to be myself at MGS, and in the process, I am able to make true, lifelong friendships in a matter of weeks--the kind of friendships that are so pure and so concentrated that the bonds are made in less than three weeks and would take a lifetime to sever.

I spent this weekend with some of the most amazing people on this planet, all of whom I met while working at the wonderful institution that is MGS. We like to all get together whenever we can, which typically means major holidays when we can get off of work or out of school. And this weekend, a bunch of us got together for a fun- and relaxation-filled weekend at Holmes County State Park in Durant, MS.

The weekend consisted of the following:
1. Laughing
2. Story-telling
3. Political/Religious Discussions
4. Sleeping
5. Lounging out in the hammock
6. Floating in the lake
7. Laughing
8. Enjoying each other's company
9. Laughing

Yeah. We're good friends. I mean, who else can you have religious and political discussions with and still have laughter listed three times on the list?!

Let's focus on number 6 for a minute. (Oh, by the way, 6 is a perfect number. During the weekend, Sean and I tried to find all of the perfect numbers out of the first ~30 positive integers. We won.)

So, JJ brought this kick ass inflatable raft to the reunion. It looks like a mini white-water raft for two people. On Saturday, we took a cross-lake voyage to classrooms and porch-swings on the other side.   After we finished, Abigail and Megan took the raft for a spin. Then, it was taken inside to slowly deflate in the cabin for the rest of the night.

Being a boat/water enthusiast, it hurt my soul to see the poor thing deflated in front of the fireplace, so on Sunday, I pumped that baby back up and hauled her down to the pier. Sean met me on the dock, and we both hopped in for an adventure. I hadn't anticipated was Sean's accompaniment because he had been busy doing homework all morning, so I only brought one oar down to the water; the other was still in the cabin with the "Extreme Couponing" quantity of cookies. So, off we go, out into the open water with one oar and a steady, 15 MPH north-wind.

You know what happens when you only have one oar and the wind is stronger than the paddling? You go with the wind. And fast. The couple on the '87 Fischer flat-bottom fishing boat knew that, and they taunted us as I tried to paddle against the wind. After giving the paddle to the much stronger and experienced Coastie, as well as trying to paddle with both of my arms, and failing, we decided we'd float to the other end of the lake and climb up the bridge/walkway that crossed the north finger of the lake. Sean and I enjoyed the time out on the water in the wind and sun; we discussed our relationships and told stories about similar situations. We would occasionally stick the paddle in the water to steer us toward the middle of the bridge and not the snake-infested grass on the bank. Neither of us like alligators or snakes, so we weren't going to go looking for them in that grass. No way, Jose.

After 20 minutes, or so, of floating, we finally got to the bridge. I say, "Aw, yeah. We're gonna T-bone this bitch," meaning that I would try to maneuver the boat so that the middle of the boat would t-bone one of the pilings of the bridge to stop us from going any further, especially into the real snaky-looking part of the lake. (That is the only portion of this boating trip that went as planned, by the way) When we smacked the piling, Sean held on to it while I tied a rope to the boat and to the walk-way of the bridge, which was a good 5 feet above the surface of the water. I tried to pull myself up onto the bridge. "This shit ain't workin," I frustratingly and jokingly said to Sean. "Well, I can definitely pull myself up if we can steady the boat," he said. I tied another rope to the stern of the boat and to the walkway of the bridge. Stability, check. We're almost there.

And just let me say right now that those jack-a-loons in the fishing boat never came to check on us! They just sat out there fishing and probably laughing at us.

After much more giggling and cursing, Sean scaled the piling of the bridge and made his way to the top. I followed behind, mimicking his every move. Yay! We're both safe! "Um, that paddle is going to fall out when we try to lift this," Sean said in an informative and concerned tone. "*&^%," I replied. I crawled back over the railing of the bridge and back into the raft to grab the paddle, and then I climbed back up the bridge. We untied the rope from the walkway and hoisted the raft up on top of the bridge. We took a quick breather to reflect on the sanctity of life and to literally catch our breath because, if you recall, we have just performed a feat of strength and maneuverability. We then carried the raft on top of our heads the entire half-mile (not an accurate distance) through the woods back to the cabin...and we didn't take a resting break!

I have been sore all day today because of this, but I'm glad that we went on this adventure. We had some good bonding time in the boat talking about our daily lives, and we overcame obstacles and worked as a team at the same time. Over the past two years, Sean has become my closest friend, but I hadn't really realized how much we are in sync until yesterday.

I wake up every day thanking (in my mind) my mom for making me go to Governor's School. If I hadn't been a scholar in 2007, I'd never have met amazing people like JJ, Lea, Abigail, Megan, and Sean, and I sure wouldn't have a great story like this.

Life Lessons

As most of you know, I've been in Ruston this summer working for my professor/advisor. I've spent a lot of time in a windowless lab making 3-D models on an online CAD program and printing them out with a MakerBot Replicator. Here are a few of the things I've made...

In addition to making toys, I've been going around the state of Louisiana talking to doctors, rehab engineers, prosthetics and orthotics technicians, and other health care professionals about problems that we might could solve with senior design projects. This traveling involves 4-5 hours of riding in a car with Dr. O'Neal and, sometimes, one of his grad students, Austin. During this time, there is endless conversation about the people we're going to be talking to, future projects, Netflix, my classmates, career goals, Coolio, space travel, and pretty much anything else you can think of. However, my favorite segment of the car ride conversation is "Life Lessons". I really can't explain the conversation behind these life lessons because, frankly, I never know how we wind up talking about this stuff. But I just want to share with you the 8 Life Lessons I've learned this summer.

These are direct quotes.
1. "Get married and stay married; it's emotionally and fiscally beneficial."
2. "In a male dominated workplace, wear an engagement ring to keep from being harassed."
3. "Find something you like to do and find a job that matches those skills."
4. "Don't date a man who lives in a 32' trailer in a state park."
5. "If you don't know what to do by age 22, it's okay."
6. "Pick a career that you won't despise getting up and going to every day for 30 years."
7. "If you don't know what to do, find somebody who does something cool and do that."
8. "You don't have to wear shirts in Australia...because it's hot!"

Okay, so, the last one needs explaining...
He was sending me an e-mail with stuff to add to the senior design webpage. He says, "Okay. I need to send this to Madison McLeod--oh, wait! You need to watch this show on Netflix called 'McLeod's Daughters.' It's an Australian show, and my in-laws are crazy about it." So he stops sending the e-mail, opens up Wikipedia, and starts reading the plot of the show. From wiki, he goes to IMDB where he finds a picture of the cast, and all of the men are shirtless. That's when he spit out life lesson # 8.

I hope that this short post is just a teaser of the adventure that I've had this summer. It's been a blast.

I'm so confused.

Hey y'all!


It's been a couple months since I've posted because my life has been so crazy and weird. Until now, there has been nothing in my life that has been post-worthy, but now there is so much to write about that I don't even know where to begin. I'm sure that I will have to write about MGS before too long, but right now, I don't think I am emotionally stable enough to wade through all of the thoughts to get them into pixels on a computer screen. So, that'll have to wait.


I guess I'll start with how confused I am at this point in my life.


Governor's School always makes me take a step back and examine my life and the way I'm living it. MGS is my own personal utopia where I can think freely, speak my mind, and act the way my soul wants me to act. Every time I have attended MGS, whether it has been as a scholar or as an employee, I have found out something about myself; this year is no exception. This year I have learned that I am ready to move on. I am ready to grow up and be an adult-- but a weird kind of adult that is a combination of Lea & JJ and Sean. I've learned that I'm not going to let my past relationships hinder my future relationships, and that I should never be too comfortable to search for new friendships. Or the other kind of relationships...


And that's where I am confused.


As some of you know, I am a victim of the Matchmaker. Well, not so much of a victim but more of a volunteer. Anyway, for the first time in three and a half years, I am interested in a boy. And it scares the shit out of me. 


I was with the last guy I dated for 5 years. We met our freshman year of high school and dated off and on until February of my freshman year of college.  He was smart; he could make me laugh. He was the perfect boyfriend. But he was lazy. Our relationship was getting to the point where he was asking my mom what size ring I wore and all that jazz. I know it's selfish to say, but I didn't want to have to support him my entire life. All he wanted to do was live in Carolina community and be a volunteer fire fighter. I wanted to go off to school and be something; I wanted to see the world. So, after a long, teary conversation, we broke up. And for the past 38-39 months, my heart has still been breaking. He was my first love, and I'd never gotten over him. I mean, I've been on dates with people since Justin. But it'd be just one date with a guy, then I'd say, "See ya!"


Until Governor's School.


It took about three days of being around my closest friends that I realized I was ready to really date again. If I was going to tell 114 high school students to step out of their comfort zones and try something new, something scary, I should be able to lead by example. So, at lunch one day, I walked up to Lea and, jokingly, asked her if she knew any hot pilot friends. And she said yes. 


So, here I am, two semi-dates later with this very attractive, smart, hilarious pilot friend of  hers. And I don't know how to assess this situation. As I wrote in People Problem, I'm not great with people. I am on the same social level has a junior high girl whose best friends are characters in a Judy Blume book. Not analogous to the characters--I mean, she has no actual friends, so she just reads. And, I don't know how to do this whole "dating" thing, either. With Justin, we'd just hang out and watch Comedy Central and laugh. We could talk about school or sports for a little while, then we'd go back to watching tv. So I guess I never have been really good at this mess, but after an 8 year hiatus from the "first date" period of the whole relationship process, I'm really out of the loop.


I really like this fella. He's really funny and does a lot of voices, which sounds really weird, but I find it completely charming. He's really smart and very very very very cute. (And he's blond which is a big change up for me, but that's beside the point.) We've only been on one proper outing and have hung out once since then. But for the first time in over three years, I have butterflies in my stomach. I'd really like to keep this thing going, but I don't know how that works. How often do I call? Do I even call?! How often do I text? When is it okay to send a friend request on Facebook?  I don't know the answer to any of these questions. 


So, I need your help. I am so confused. Teach me how to date. Teach m- Teach me how to date.


I expect responses, comments, texts, phone calls, Facebook messages, IMs, and/or Tweets. 


This is serious. I need all the help I can get, y'all!

My Best Day. Ever.

I have not been happy in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I have smiled and laughed and had happy moments, but the feeling of joy has been absent from my life for several months. The combination of the stress of school and the stress of adjusting in a place where not everyone knows my name when I go to the Wal-Marts has slowly chipped away at my self-worth and happiness. But I'm heading in an opposite direction.

For the first time in almost two years, I am genuinely happy. It seems like everything that has been going wrong  for the past 22 months is changing for the better. I've made some good friends in this land of solitude. I can go to class and not feel like my head is going to explode from all of the overwhelming information. But most of all, I feel like I am finally taking steps to becoming an accomplished adult. I have a more clear vision of what I want in life, and I'm on the path to obtaining those wants.

I say all of this to give a background of how the past few weeks of my life have been: wonderful, that's how. And the past two days have just been icing on this divine cake.

Here's a play-by-play:

If you follow me on Twitter or have been reading my statuses on Facebook, you may have recently noticed an unnecessary amount of messages encouraging people to watch "The Chris Gethard Show". That is because I am in love with that show. It is nerdy and funny and is the epitome of greatness. When I found out about it, I watched 36 episodes in about two weeks. Anyway, I was online Monday and checked the show's blog to find out about this week's episode. The title was "F**k School, F**k Math." On Monday, I was a little bit stressed out because I had a mid-term in Instrumentation the next day and a test in Mass Transport on Wednesday. I was feeling a little overwhelmed with school, so I decided this would be a good episode for me to call into the show and contribute/vent my grievances against academia. I called in. I got on! I got to talk to two of my favorite comedians on the telephone! It was amazing! I didn't think anything else this week could top it. (If you want to hear my hick voice, check it out: The Chris Gethard Show. I'm around the 12 minute mark. Be warned: if you don't like curse words, don't watch.)

But I was wrong.

I was still on a high on Thursday at school. I couldn't really focus on my lab activities because of the previous night's excitement, so I just sat on the outskirts of my group's area in the lab and wasted time until 4:00pm. During this time, my advisor came to the door of the lab and pulled me outside. He proceeded to tell me that I have received an academic award for the year. (And for those who don't know, I almost failed a class in the fall that would have set me back a full year in the curriculum, so to hear that I had received an award for academics was insane!) My already giddy-for-Gethard self was then over-the-moon with excitement. I held back the emotions that made me want to plant a big one on Dr. O'Neal and went back to my chair to swing my feet back and forth with exhilaration.

Oh, but that's not all.

For the past six months, I have been waiting for April 12, so that I could see the Upright Citizen's Brigade Touring Company at the Dixie Theater in Ruston. As you may have inferred from my rant about Chris Gethard, I am a comedy nerd. I have watched/memorized lines and cast members' information from 20+ seasons of SNL,  The Second City, a couple recorded shows of Improv Olympic's stage shows, and way too much of UCB's stuff (TCGS, Asscat!, etc.). As you can imagine, I was ecstatic when I heard the news that the TourCo was coming to town. After doing research on what performers tour in certain regions of the US, I hoped and hoped that someone affiliated with Gethard would be gracing The Dixie with his/her presence. And, hot damn, it happened. In the middle of the show, I realize that a character from TCGS is on the stage. I proceed to flip the hell out upon this realization and couldn't wait until the show was over so that I could possibly meet him. I asked the head of Troupe Dixie if there was any way I could meet the cast, and she graciously rushed me backstage. I stood there, in an awestruck state, as I conversed with a writer and new star of TCGS. I couldn't believe it. I rambled on and on and on like an idiot for what seemed like forever, but at the same time, a very short instant. I'm sure he was thinking to himself that I was a panko nutjob, but Dru was extremely nice, and he, John, and Frank flattered me by talking to me for a few minutes.

And although I spent the rest of the night (and the majority of this morning) sick with what I assume was food poisoning from artichoke dip that sat out in the Louisiana heat for ~4 hours, it was a phenomenal evening.

I'm on the upswing, nerds. This chick is in high spirits, and I continue to be this way forever, or until I run into the next transitional phase of my life.

SNL Christmas

If you're anything like me, you need a little comedy to get you through the holiday season. I just thought I'd share my favorite Christmas themed sketches from SNL. I hope you enjoy!

                     I Wish It Was Christmas Today:

   http://www.hulu.com/watch/311558/saturday-night-live-christmas-treat

                                         Schweddy Balls:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/4156/saturday-night-live-nprs-delicious-dish-schweddy-balls

                                       **** in a Box:

   http://www.hulu.com/watch/1402/saturday-night-live-snl-digital-short-dk-in-a-box-censored

Why I Hate Christmas

I am a big fan of Thanksgiving. I love getting together with family, watching football, and eating myself into oblivion. There's no major preparation, usually no fighting, and the afternoon is spent by sleeping off 3+ pounds of food. What's not to like? And the icing on the cake is my birthday is around Turkey Day, so everyone is nice to me!

But..
I absolutely hate Christmas or the holiday season or whatever you want to call it. It is an over-sized production put on by corporate America that sucks happiness via the vacuum created by the empty space in the wallets of the middle class. But that's not the only reason...


Music
Radio stations in Northeast Mississippi must have a deal with Santa because these nerds start playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving! Hey, big man--can I at least enjoy my holiday before you start shoving joy and cheer down my throat? I don't want to hear cheesy Christmas songs performed by Justin Bieber or a slew of country artists. I will let Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You" slide, though. She's got some pipes. I realize that I am of the minority being a "Holiday Hater", but can we either mix up Christmas songs with a few non-holiday jams or start playing this crap in December rather than mid November?

Shopping 
My sister is not a big fan of Christmas either. We had a discussion about it over the Thanksgiving table, and she said, "No part of the Christmas spirit means running over an old lady in the Target parking lot to get your kid's toy at half-price." And I can't agree more. This holiday is supposed to be about giving and loving our neighbors and all that jazz, and it has turned into a newspaper full of articles about shoppers being pepper-sprayed or tazered or getting weaves ripped out.

Decorations
Christmas decorations are the worst. No, I take that back. All decorations are the worst. What's the point of putting all that garb up to only take it down one month later? I see none. And don't try to feed me that garbage about "Oh! They put you into the spirit of the holidays. They make everyone happy." They don't make me happy. They clutter my home and run up the electric bill. And until you have to put up decorations for Christmas at Midway, you'll never fully know my hatred. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED working at the marina, but decorating the grounds was not my favorite part.


The holiday season does have a positive. This is the most charitable time of the year in America. Charities receive millions of dollars of donations during the months of November and December that help provide food, clothing, and gifts for families all over the world. However, all too often this generosity is overshadowed by greed and marketing.

Until we can  give up the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping and decorating our houses and lawns like the runways of JFK and be content with food, family, friends, and free-giving, I will continue to be a Scrooge.

Bah humbug.


Check these out:
Operation Christmas Child
http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/

Salvation Army
https://donate.salvationarmyusa.org/sslpage.aspx?pid=206

Feed the Children
http://www.feedthechildren.org/ 

Twilight Wish
http://www.twilightwish.org/

It's My Birthday

Several months ago, I promised Courtney Simmons that I would blog about my ultimate birthday... because we share the same birth date (along with Miley Cyrus, Snooki from Jersey Shore, and my roommate).

I am not a liar, Courtney. Here ya go.

I don't think I could ever dream or imagine a better birthday celebration than the one I experienced yesterday.  Justin Bieber gave me a free concert on the Today Show, WITH USHER, especially for my birthday. I woke up at 7:15 to baby sit my best friend's nephew. Although the kid did have two screaming fits that lasted a total time of about 45 minutes, it wasn't all that bad. Even after all of the tension of trying to settle him down and feed him and all that jazz, it was an amazing feeling to have his little body crash when I was rocking him to sleep. I totally understand why women do it.

But I will never.

After feeling motherly and accomplished, I went home to an empty house. I nuked some homemade veggie soup and curled up to a DVR'd episode of The Closer. I had put my electric blanket on my bed the night before, so I turned that baby on, flipped on some back-to-back Law & Order*, and crawled in the bed for a little siesta. And the siesta lasted four hours...until it was time for a little fellowship with my church family.

The night was topped off with a little watching of Beetlejuice with Mother and Father Tucker. We had some popcorn and laughs, and it was the perfect ending to a perfect day.

I want to thank everyone for all of the birthday wishes that were sent my way yesterday. As you can see, it was absolutely perfect.

Oh, and happy thanksgiving!




*One episode was all about DA Jack McCoy, who is my favorite character; the other episode featured former DA Abbie Carmichael, my second favorite character.

Breaking Yawn: Part 1

I hope this doesn't damage my street cred any more than my serenade of Justin Bieber songs did: I watched the Twilight movie. And I was not disappointed. It was equally as mediocre as I had imagined. The acting was poor; the 25 minute story-line was stretched 92 minutes too long, and Jacob only took his shirt off once. However, I was in wonderful company, so I had a great time despite the film.

Here are a few things that stood out to me...

Hey, Kristen. How much did you make on the last two movies? According to my good friends at Wikipedia, the series has grossed 1.8 BILLION dollars. I realize you don't get all of that money, but a mere .1% of the total income gives you 1.8 million. That's a lot of cash money. So, don't you think you could buy a $1 box of dental floss? The plaque buildup between your teeth has resulted in some noticeable staining. And don't vampires rely on their teeth to do whatever it is that they do? Dental hygiene is a big deal, and if you want those chompers much longer, you better start practicing it.

Now, I don't want to spoil anything for you readers out there who haven't seen the movie and who are actually interested in it for more than an afternoon out of the house. However, I do have to point out one part of the movie that made me giggle. When all of the werewolves were in the screaming match at the lumberyard, the scene reminded me of an old Power Rangers episode but with better special effects. The dogs were growling and talking in human voices at the same time. That was impressive and confusing. I spent the majority of the scene trying to figure out how many sets of vocal cords those miraculous beasts have to multitask like that. I was just waiting for all of the dogs to morph into one growling, talking werewolf that would battle Rita Repulsa's alien army.

Like I said before, I didn't go into this movie with high hopes. I didn't jump on the bandwagon when the books were a hit, and I didn't jump on the bandwagon when the movies took over the world. I saw the second one just to see the shirtless boy with the tattoo, and I saw this one so I could hang out with some friends. All in all, it was a great way to spend the afternoon.

Oh, and if you want to see another blogger's take on the movie, here's a link to Jen Lancaster's blog.
http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/2011/11/breaking-dawn-otherwise-known-as-a-ride-in-edwards-volvo.html

Freedom

Yeah, kids! I'm free! No more slaving in the classroom or kickin' it in the library. I get two weeks of freedom. That's 14 days of unconstrained, literary genius.

I realize it's been way too long since my last addition to the interweb world, so I'm going to make up for lost time. I'm not promising a post every single day of the holiday, but I do promise at least three.

So, hide your kids. Hide your wife. 'Cause I'm snatchin' up errbody's sadness this Turkey Day.

Itawamba Blackout

For almost half an hour, the Greater Fulton Area experienced a blackout this evening. Now, I have read on someone's Facebook status that this blackout was caused by a raccoon getting into something at the power station. Whether or not that is true, I'll never know, but it sure makes Fulton sound like a happenin' place!

When the modern conveniences of the 21st century are compromised by a power failure, what am I to do?  Being trapped in my newly renovated cave with my laptop and no internet connection, I felt helpless.  At that exact instant in time, I thought to myself, "Gosh, you should have made yourself watch that documentary on the Amish this summer. But, NO! You had to watch The Incredible Human Body...again. Now you'll never know how to survive in this world without electricity or modern machinery."


I couldn't watch tv. I couldn't creep on Facebook or Twitter. I couldn't do homework (not because of the blackout--I just didn't want to do it.) My whole body felt like my hands when I take a picture--where do I go and what do I do?

We live way out in the sticks, and our section of power line is often forgotten when the Tombigbee Electric Power Association fixes the problem. So, the McLeod household has been plagued by power failures many times in my life. We usually light all of the candles and kerosene lanterns in the house, grab a book or board game, and commune in the living room for some family bonding time. It's always a nice retreat from the hustle and bustle of this technologically crazed world, of which I am extremely dependent.

I'm using this blog as an avenue to find out what other people do when they're forced to step away from TV and computers.

Please comment and share your activities! Mom and I have almost memorized all the Taboo and Mad Gab cards, so we need new ideas for our "Blackout Parties"!

I'm Not A Boy

Every girl has had an experience in life that has had a distinct impact on her character, an experience that led her to find out who she really is.

When I was younger, I was a competitive gymnast. I practically lived in the gym, and my life revolved around gymnastics. I didn't want to deal with my hair flopping all around and having to re-do my ponytail every 45 seconds, so I got my hair cut off pretty short. And by pretty short, I mean it was like a boy's haircut.

To be paired with my boy hairstyle, I had the "tom boy" attitude. I rocked shorts and a t-shirt (which I still rock...). I played sports with boys; I wrested with boys. I didn't want to be treated any differently because of my anatomy, so I didn't act like I was any different.

With all this being said, here's my story.

Picture it: Fulton Grammar School, 1999. I was in Judy Spencer's third grade class. There was a new student in our grade, but I can't really remember if she was in my class or not, but it makes no difference to the outcome of the story. I will leave her name out of this, but we'll call her "Jane".

Jane was a really outgoing, talkative young lady. She tried really hard to fit in, but with Fulton being a small town, it was really hard for her to click with the majority of her classmates.

My first interaction with Jane was in the girls' bathroom. I had just finished my business and was at the sink washing my hands. Jane emerged from her stall as I was reaching for the paper towel. She says, "Excuse me. The boys' bathroom is across the hall!" I responded, "I'm not a boy," and went back to the room and held in my tears until I could get home.

Because of my upper-front quadrant, I am no longer accused of being a boy. However, because of my shoes, clothing, and over-all appearance, I am accused of being a lesbian.

I am neither.

Art of Attraction

In my 21 years of life, I've been able to snag one good boyfriend, two homosexuals, and a few other suitors. This qualifies me as an expert in the art of attraction, and today, I will share my three tools of the trade.

1. Dress not to impress.
Genuinely do not care what you look like. When you get up in the mornings, don't brush your hair. Just leave it in the ponytail that you went to bed with it in. Throw on some gym clothes regardless if you're going to the gym or not. The spirit of apathy that is evident in your appearance will attract some high class folks. Trust me--I'm a pro.

2. Only talk in movie quotes.
Okay, this one isn't true. You can also speak in song lyrics and television quotes. Let no original line slip from your lips. This will lead to many awkward laughs and "I don't get it"s, which are key elements in attraction.

3. Never initiate a conversation.
Always wait for the other person to speak. Only speak when spoken to. This makes you seem mysterious and challenging, especially paired with point #2.

These are simple steps to follow, but they work very effectively. Enjoy!

My Obsession

I have had my Netflix account for only a little over a year, but I have racked up quite a watch instantly history.

Here's what I have watched...

These are just the television shows. 

Desperate Housewives seasons 4-5

Reno 911 seasons 1-5

The Office seasons 1-6

Parks and Recreation seasons 1-2

30 Rock Seasons 1-4

Arrested Development seasons 1-3

SNL: The Best of Jimmy Fallon

SNL: Weekend Update Thursday

Saturday Night Live seasons 19-36 (this took a really long time...)

Hot in Cleveland season 1

River Monsters seasons 1-2

Swamp People season 1

Hey Arnold! season 1

Bones seasons 1-6

I have also watched all of Rizzoli and Isles in the past week, but it wasn't available on Netflix.

Dream Lunch

Since my writer's block post, I have had several requests for writing about my dream lunch. Here ya go!

For the meal, I would have a Claude's burger from the Dawg House in Ruston. I know this sounds simple, but I promise you, it's the absolute best hamburger in the entire world. The contrast of the sweet bun and the salty, spicy hamburger meat and jalapenos is sheer perfection. I would have some homemade onion rings and a healthy portion of cat-sup with a fresh squeezed lemonade on the side. For dessert, I would have Sean Walter's baklava and a box of berry tie-dye Fruit-by-the-Foot.

Now here comes the good part--the company!

Of course Tina Fey would be there. We could talk about our childhoods and being mistaken for boys. We'd crack jokes on each other and have eating contests. Of course, I'd win because I take Giada de Laurentis-sized bites.

Jen Lancaster would also be there. She would just make me laugh talking about her dogs and the idiots in her neighborhood. I'd ask her how to get famous by writing a blog, and she'd tell me, and then I'd get a book deal and move to Boston.

The final person is a toss-up between Jimmy Fallon, Colin Quinn, and Patrick Dempsey. Jimbo is adorable, and he'd be a good person to stare at while I'm eating. Colin Quinn could just talk to me in his Brooklyn accent. The downside with these two is they would just catch up with Tina Fey and leave me out of the conversation. I need the attention to ALWAYS be on me. It's my dream lunch!  So, by default, McDreamy will be the winner. His job would be to smile at me and wear a lab coat. It can't get any better or more simple than that. It's totally reasonable.

One day, I'm going to wake up, and Tina, Jen, and McDreamy will be at my house with rented mopeds, and we'd ride them to lunch.

Then, I could die.

People Problem

First of all, I've had over 30 views since yesterday's post, but I haven't had a single comment on what to write. I'm bringing this to your attention because I want you to feel guilt and shame. I hope I have succeeded.

Anywho, let's get to today's topic: my problem with people.

I have practically grown up as an only child. My sister was a senior in high school when I was born, and she and her husband have been almost like second parents to me. My older brother is 11 years my senior, and he left for college by the time I started school. With both of my siblings being out of the house almost the entirety of my life, I've never had to share or compromise. I've pretty much gotten my way in everything.

After a recent incident involving a stranger and my things being plundered through, I started thinking about how much I like to be left alone. And I love it! I am as much of an introvert as one can be. It's not that I hate people--that's not at all what I mean. Okay, well, it kind-of is. But, I just cannot communicate or interact with people without being physically and emotionally exhausted.

I didn't interact with my peers in high school. I spent every weekend playing ball or sitting at home with my boyfriend. I never branched out and made friends or even attempted saving the friendships I had acquired in middle school. This sounds utterly pathetic, but it's the truth. I was perfectly fine sitting at home and watching television rather than going to a party and socializing. This habit of living a life vicariously through a character in a show has followed me to college and has severely inhibited my ability to enjoy "the best years of my life."

The reason I went out of state for college was not to just run away from it all. I thought that if I was forced out of my comfort zone into a place where I knew no one, I would have to make friends. I would have to get out and strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. Have I succeeded in this plan? Of course not! I've only made myself more of a recluse. (I have, however, kept Netflix in business with Instant Watching!!!)

I'd love to change this aspect of my personality. I truly would. But the fear of rejection gets my acid reflux on a tear and then I'm too sick to go out. It's lose-lose. I keep thinking, "One day, I'll be a social butterfly," thinking that will be around the time I'm out of school and employed. But if I can't do it now, what makes me think I can do it in 3 years? What if my time for making friends has passed?

I hadn't really realized how quickly this post would go down hill and turn into a Debbie Downer rant. I do enjoy others' company, and I won't refuse it if someone offers. I'm just pissed because someone went through my stuff.