I'm so confused.

Hey y'all!


It's been a couple months since I've posted because my life has been so crazy and weird. Until now, there has been nothing in my life that has been post-worthy, but now there is so much to write about that I don't even know where to begin. I'm sure that I will have to write about MGS before too long, but right now, I don't think I am emotionally stable enough to wade through all of the thoughts to get them into pixels on a computer screen. So, that'll have to wait.


I guess I'll start with how confused I am at this point in my life.


Governor's School always makes me take a step back and examine my life and the way I'm living it. MGS is my own personal utopia where I can think freely, speak my mind, and act the way my soul wants me to act. Every time I have attended MGS, whether it has been as a scholar or as an employee, I have found out something about myself; this year is no exception. This year I have learned that I am ready to move on. I am ready to grow up and be an adult-- but a weird kind of adult that is a combination of Lea & JJ and Sean. I've learned that I'm not going to let my past relationships hinder my future relationships, and that I should never be too comfortable to search for new friendships. Or the other kind of relationships...


And that's where I am confused.


As some of you know, I am a victim of the Matchmaker. Well, not so much of a victim but more of a volunteer. Anyway, for the first time in three and a half years, I am interested in a boy. And it scares the shit out of me. 


I was with the last guy I dated for 5 years. We met our freshman year of high school and dated off and on until February of my freshman year of college.  He was smart; he could make me laugh. He was the perfect boyfriend. But he was lazy. Our relationship was getting to the point where he was asking my mom what size ring I wore and all that jazz. I know it's selfish to say, but I didn't want to have to support him my entire life. All he wanted to do was live in Carolina community and be a volunteer fire fighter. I wanted to go off to school and be something; I wanted to see the world. So, after a long, teary conversation, we broke up. And for the past 38-39 months, my heart has still been breaking. He was my first love, and I'd never gotten over him. I mean, I've been on dates with people since Justin. But it'd be just one date with a guy, then I'd say, "See ya!"


Until Governor's School.


It took about three days of being around my closest friends that I realized I was ready to really date again. If I was going to tell 114 high school students to step out of their comfort zones and try something new, something scary, I should be able to lead by example. So, at lunch one day, I walked up to Lea and, jokingly, asked her if she knew any hot pilot friends. And she said yes. 


So, here I am, two semi-dates later with this very attractive, smart, hilarious pilot friend of  hers. And I don't know how to assess this situation. As I wrote in People Problem, I'm not great with people. I am on the same social level has a junior high girl whose best friends are characters in a Judy Blume book. Not analogous to the characters--I mean, she has no actual friends, so she just reads. And, I don't know how to do this whole "dating" thing, either. With Justin, we'd just hang out and watch Comedy Central and laugh. We could talk about school or sports for a little while, then we'd go back to watching tv. So I guess I never have been really good at this mess, but after an 8 year hiatus from the "first date" period of the whole relationship process, I'm really out of the loop.


I really like this fella. He's really funny and does a lot of voices, which sounds really weird, but I find it completely charming. He's really smart and very very very very cute. (And he's blond which is a big change up for me, but that's beside the point.) We've only been on one proper outing and have hung out once since then. But for the first time in over three years, I have butterflies in my stomach. I'd really like to keep this thing going, but I don't know how that works. How often do I call? Do I even call?! How often do I text? When is it okay to send a friend request on Facebook?  I don't know the answer to any of these questions. 


So, I need your help. I am so confused. Teach me how to date. Teach m- Teach me how to date.


I expect responses, comments, texts, phone calls, Facebook messages, IMs, and/or Tweets. 


This is serious. I need all the help I can get, y'all!