People Problem

First of all, I've had over 30 views since yesterday's post, but I haven't had a single comment on what to write. I'm bringing this to your attention because I want you to feel guilt and shame. I hope I have succeeded.

Anywho, let's get to today's topic: my problem with people.

I have practically grown up as an only child. My sister was a senior in high school when I was born, and she and her husband have been almost like second parents to me. My older brother is 11 years my senior, and he left for college by the time I started school. With both of my siblings being out of the house almost the entirety of my life, I've never had to share or compromise. I've pretty much gotten my way in everything.

After a recent incident involving a stranger and my things being plundered through, I started thinking about how much I like to be left alone. And I love it! I am as much of an introvert as one can be. It's not that I hate people--that's not at all what I mean. Okay, well, it kind-of is. But, I just cannot communicate or interact with people without being physically and emotionally exhausted.

I didn't interact with my peers in high school. I spent every weekend playing ball or sitting at home with my boyfriend. I never branched out and made friends or even attempted saving the friendships I had acquired in middle school. This sounds utterly pathetic, but it's the truth. I was perfectly fine sitting at home and watching television rather than going to a party and socializing. This habit of living a life vicariously through a character in a show has followed me to college and has severely inhibited my ability to enjoy "the best years of my life."

The reason I went out of state for college was not to just run away from it all. I thought that if I was forced out of my comfort zone into a place where I knew no one, I would have to make friends. I would have to get out and strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. Have I succeeded in this plan? Of course not! I've only made myself more of a recluse. (I have, however, kept Netflix in business with Instant Watching!!!)

I'd love to change this aspect of my personality. I truly would. But the fear of rejection gets my acid reflux on a tear and then I'm too sick to go out. It's lose-lose. I keep thinking, "One day, I'll be a social butterfly," thinking that will be around the time I'm out of school and employed. But if I can't do it now, what makes me think I can do it in 3 years? What if my time for making friends has passed?

I hadn't really realized how quickly this post would go down hill and turn into a Debbie Downer rant. I do enjoy others' company, and I won't refuse it if someone offers. I'm just pissed because someone went through my stuff.